And How Does That Make You Feel?
by peanutpanda
Summary: Full Summary inside. Rated M. Cannon Pairings. Do NOT read if you have a weak stomach...or if you've just eaten :


A/N: This is just an idea that hit me when I was in the car with my mum, if you want to read more tell me, I don't think I'll bother writing it if no-one is actually enjoying it. Tell me if I should continue please. Thank you.

**A/N2: This isn't a re-write more of a corrections kinda thingy mo bob. So there isn't anything new, but I'm hoping that some time in the next two weeks I'll be able to get up another chapter that's about this long for you **

Summary: Everyone has there problems, some handle them better then others. Yet when problems go unsolved and there is no-one there left to pick up the pieces, our mind play tricks on us.

Can you live life not sleeping? Can you live life sleeping but always scared of what you could do in your sleep?

Can it be lived on drugs or with severe Anxiety or Paranoia? Sometimes life is better lived then feared…

When life gets you down, how do you handle it?

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight, or any of the characters, I'm just playing with them for awhile.

Story: And How Does That Make You Feel?

Chapter: Hiking Boots In Seattle

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**~The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself ~ ****Anais Nin

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She didn't know where she was going, she never did. Times like theses made her live in the moment, she dug through her wardrobe throwing everything out until she found them _ah ha_ she'd thought pulling out her hiking boots. Why she had hiking boots were still a mystery to even herself, let alone her husband who had begged -_pleaded_ even- on more then one occasion for her to throw the treacherous things away. She giggled to herself, _in the morning I'll tell him I've finally used them, and he'll allow me to keep them, I hope_. Sitting on the end of her bed she placed each hiking boot on her size four feet, made her way to the front door of her home, grabbing her jacket off of the coat rack and went out into the blistering night.

Now, had Isabella Masen known she was in fact once again sleep walking she'd have screamed at herself to wake up, save her from the inevitable embarrassment she would face. However she didn't, she never did, and she wouldn't even remember what she was thinking when she eventually woke up…whenever that was.

What she would do though was trip on her daughter's bicycle, which she had previously warned her daughter to put away earlier that day, before some one fell over it. Yet, Bella's bad luck would come back and bite her on the arse once again. Her left hiking boot, which was now currently on her right foot would catch on the pedal of her daughters bright pink mountain bike, her already so-clumsy-it-was-practically-a-disability-self would loose balance and plummet to the ground, taking down with force the rather expensively ugly and extremely heavy tree/leaf plant thing her mother had gotten her for her 26th birthday two years ago. She would be happy about the destruction of the plant when she woke up, but not before she would also cry out in pain when she realised, due to the immense pain she was in that she had in-fact broken her right ankle.

Nonetheless Bella was currently asleep, on a mission she had yet to get, a place she had yet to pick, the answer she had to find. So she stood up, not fazed by the blood throbbing around her ankle nor the smell of rustic metal that was blood, she didn't even let out the blood curdling shriek most women would give off when they broke a bone. She was asleep, so in her mind she had said, _hmm, how did I end up on the floor?_

Isabella hobbled along the sidewalk, her ankle now so swollen that when she was eventually found her hiking boots would have to be cut from her foot. Her husband, Edward would be ecstatic at the fact that the horrible boots -that took up a lot of much needed space in their wardrobe- were gone, but he would barely register the fact because he would be too busy driving her to the hospital while on the phone to Carlisle, his good friend, praying it was his shift. Still unaware of where she was headed Bella in her mind was walking towards her destination, _turn right here, a few yards to the left, forward on from here._

This was her nightly routine, Mrs Masen suffered from somnambulism, but she hadn't left the house however in a good few months, though it was quite common for her to wake up in the morning to find plants in the fridge, plates under her pillow and her toothbrush in her back pocket, even on the odd occasion she woke up to find that she was in fact naked or wearing a odd amount of clothing. She'd suffered with this, as she called it her _'annoyingly embarrassing disorder'_ since she was nine years old. Her husband on the other hand would say different, he would state that it was _'beautifully endearing'_ and he loved being the one to save her on nights he couldn't sleep, silently directing her back to bed, where she would mumble things like _'don't leave the cat in the blender'_ which was odd because they didn't have a cat, they had a dog, Jake. She'd once said '_Oh, no Edward I forgot to put the frying pan in your tea'_, though her husband's all time favourite was _'fuck, I left the naked nun in the chapel with the horny priests, I'm going to have to give her Jake's blanket to cover her up'_

Edward had right down nearly had a heart attack when he had seen his beautiful wife, the woman of his dreams, his soul mate hobble and limp down the road, her face never once showing any sign of pain as with each step she took. To anyone that didn't know of her sleep walking, which was mostly everyone apart from a few close friends and family members, would think that she was just some mad woman walking down the sidewalk in Seattle at, he looked at his watch 4:39 am. Although they may have given her a second look at the fact she was wearing her Pyjamas, hiking boots on the wrong feet and Edward's trench coat or at the fact that her right leg looked like it wanted to give way every time she took a step.

He pulled over instantly, his heart racing a million miles an hour, praying she hadn't hurt herself too bad. Rushing over to her he firmly grasped her by her shoulders, giving her the once over with his eyes, when his eyes landed on her foot, he cringed. It was obvious that there was some serious damage there, her foot twisted into a painful angle, the fabric of her hiking boots slightly tinted with blood, the palms of her hands where grazed there was a slight rip in her bottoms and she had a nasty looking gash going across her cheek bone down to her top lip. He wanted to shake her violently to wake her up, anything so he could help her, but he couldn't. It was dangerous to wake a somnambulist, and because of that he gently directed her towards his car, whispering in her ear she was going to be ok, but she had merely mumbled something about him leaving his pants on the bathroom floor in return.

He pulled out his cell phone chanting 'come on, come on, come on' down the phone as it rang.

Voicemail, so he called the hospital, his chanting now a lot more audible and finally after what seemed like years to Edward, a nurse picked up.

"Hello, this is Virginia Mason hospital, emergency, I'm-" the poor nurse was cut off by Edward, and his frantic talking as he sped down the motorway. He was doing at least 100 m/h at a 60 m/h speed limit, he tapped his finger on the steering wheel hoping that today was not the day he got pulled over for speeding, especially by Charlie, Bella's dad who refused to retire from his job as police chief, he believed the day he gave in would be the day he gave up on life, he wouldn't trade his job for the world. Charlie wasn't that keen on Edward, ever since Bella and himself eloped to Vegas when they were 17, added onto why they eloped -Bella was pregnant- made up a very unhappy police chief Swan, putting the fact Edward was now disregarding traffic laws into the recipe and well, he could just imagine Charlie's red face as he blew up in anger, that most certainly wouldn't help his blood pressure that was for sure.

"This is Dr Masen; I need to know if Dr Cullen is in? And if he is can you have him outside A&E with a stretcher in ten minutes"

"Er" the stunned nurse stuttered "H-he yes, I'll, er he'll be waiting outside, Dr Masen" even though most of the day during work Edward had to run away from flirtatious nurses, and often enough overly eager patients during his working hours, he still loved his job. He loved to be the one who could save peoples children from illness's and such, to see the look of joy when he told women they were expecting.

"Thank you" he hung up on the stunned nurse to call his younger brother, Emmett.

"Emmett, Nessie is at home, I'm assuming the front door is open, if not just ring the door bell and shout through the letter box, I'm taking Bella to the hospital, please go and check on her"

-

His hands shook as the tall blonde cut the line, the razor blade in his right hand making a perfectly straight incision along his arm. The man's fist clenched in pain, but he didn't mind, this was why he did it. He needed some form of escape, a way to get away, never realised what he was doing until the blade was already in his hand and the wound had been formed, he never thought until after he did it. He thought it was ironic that he helped people every-single-_fucking_-day, sat in his nice leather chair, note book in one hand, gold parker pen in the other.

He'd lean forward; letting his patient know he was listening, let them know he understood. He'd figure out what was wrong with them, they'd write him a check and he'd sit there for an hour each week, listening to their problems. And he'd solve them. Doctor Jasper Whitlock, the great psychiatrist, the shrink but no-one knew the man behind the mask. His girlfriend would get glimpses, but she never knew he cut himself on a weekly basis, always in the same place. She didn't know that the scars on his inner thigh were from four months ago when he'd taken a lighter, flicked it and let it burn for about a minute, flicked it again, and again and then taken it to his bare flesh. He'd gritted his teeth, flared his nostrils, Jasper's free hand had clenched onto the side of the bath when he pulled it away and felt his flesh peel off.

His hand went instinctively to his leg, having now placed the blade on the desk. He looked at his arm, three fresh, perfectly cut slits. He thought about leaving it and just going to sleep, he felt light headed, then remembered he was still at work, silently cursing himself, he was doing so well he'd gone through a whole week without cutting. Jasper stood up fast, regretting the action almost immediately; he blinked a few times trying to get his eyes to focus.

Frustrated at his weak self will he kick his oak desk, the thing didn't budge a centimetre but his foot now hurt, placing a cloth on his arm he made his way to the toilet, growling in his mind '_couldn't have waited till later eh? No, now you have to walk past Jessica, she'll be worried, ask what's wrong. Can't exactly tell her you slit your wrist with your pencil sharpener now can you?' _

Had Dr Whitlock remembered, or even listened to Jessica when he came in that morning he would have known Miss Brandon, Jasper's long term girlfriend, mother of his two beautiful boy twins, was coming in that day to go out for lunch.

It was a Wednesday morning; the next day little did they know they would visit their childhood friend Bella, in hospital. Alice would fret over Bella and Jasper would go into doctor mode, asking if she remembered the dream, what she was doing before she went to bed, did she have a particularly bad day? Bella, being well Bella would hate the attention, dismiss any idea that maybe she needed to go see someone, obviously not Jasper, he was too emotionally tied to Bella, Jasper offered to get her an appointment with his friend Mike Newton.

But, I'm going off track here, now had he even bothered to listen to Jessica's nasally voice drone on he wouldn't have bothered going to the toilet, or even self harmed. Though he didn't so when he eventually stormed out and saw a four month pregnant Alice standing there, in front of Jessica's desk insisting that Jasper be alerted to her presence, he stopped. A warming smile grew across his face and he wanted to laugh at the short ballerina, whom had one hand on her hip and the other in the air. She spoke with clear authority, as if Jessica was one of the demanding, rude teenagers she dealt with daily. It only took a few seconds for his mind to catch up with him and he remembered why he came out here, three short gashes on his arm.

Just as Jasper turned to rush toward the restroom, she saw him, and then she saw the blood soaked hanky and then see saw his guilt ridden face. Alice wasn't born yesterday, she was a bright, tough cookie, her childhood had left her with more then just scars, so when she first started to date Jasper when she was twenty one, she knew right away that he self harmed. A few months later she saw there was a class on self harming, called how to deal with people who self harm. Miss Brandon jumped at the chance, her excuse was that it would help her résumé, _a social worker who knows how to deal with self harming children? Great, bring her in!_ and that's exactly what her boss had said to her when she told him about the course, but she had deeper motives, she wanted to know how to deal with Jasper when she finally caught him in the act.

So there she stood, with proof, with what she always wanted and she froze. In the nine years she'd known Jasper, she'd had that nagging feeling, that voice in the back of her head that wouldn't let go of the details, she could ignore it, but every so often it would rear it's ugly head, it's 30 degrees why is he wearing a long sleeve t-shirt; Edward is practically naked in his shorts or that scar wasn't there last week, that cut looks very precise. As much as she wanted to help him, she knew that she couldn't Jasper was stubborn, all that would come from that conversation would have been an argument and no new leads to why he did what he did.

Jasper and Alice had lived together for six years in a nice arboretum-like setting in Seattle; Alice fell in love with the house immediately. The way it was spacey, although it only had three bedrooms when they brought it, and Jasper wanted a big family much to Alice's delight but decided they could always partition off the rooms to make smaller ones, the bedrooms were big enough for them to do that and still have enough room to swing a Great Dane in. the house was pricey $379,400, to be exact, but they loved it, and Jasper's job meant that four years down the line they'd already paid off half their mortgage.

Jasper spun round to avoid his girlfriend, or his soon-to-be fiancé and practically ran to the sink, making sure to lock the door behind him, he rinsed off his cuts splashed his face with water and walked out of there with as much dignity he could muster, which wasn't a lot. Though luckily Alice didn't mention it, he figured _maybe she didn't see_ but she had thought _I can't keep pretending. _

There lunch date was short, Alice only had an hour before she had to go back and talk to a couple about fostering, and Jasper had an appointment at 2:15 with a man who was going through a mid life crisis, his wife had told him_ either that flashy sports car you brought gets refunded or you go to get your self some help._

So after they ate, Jasper paid the bill, told Alice he loved her and he'd see her when they got home, she had Ah hmm'd and gave him the look that meant your in big trouble.

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**~The hardest thing in life, is letting go of what you thought was real ~ Author Unknown ~

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"What do you mean 'you can't see them today'?" cried the tall, overly muscle bound man at his ex. Here he stood in front of her two bedroom flat in Seattle, at 12 noon, as she had insisted the day before, merely to get shot down by the idea. He hadn't been expecting that, so in true Emmett fashion he'd called up the 'I'm their fucking dad' speed line. And in true Rosalie fashion she'd told him to fuck off. They were busy and he was getting in the way, he wasn't in their lives anymore except the weekend dad job, which he thought he played pretty well.

"It means you cant see them, what part of the sentence is too hard for you to comprehend, do you want me to write it down for you?" her snarky comment really didn't go down to well, he'd paid $500 a month to her for child support, why he wasn't allowed to see them was a complete mystery to him, and he didn't care why, well actually that's a lie, he did care he wanted to know why, where and who was stopping them from seeing him, so that he could go there and beat the shit out of the person who stood between him and his 5 year old son and 10 month old daughter.

"Why, do you have someone over? Is that what you're fucking hiding from me, do you have some man up in your house? And you're replacing me with some fucking cunt?" Emmett snarled at her, she didn't even flinched; Rosalie hated being told what she can and can't do, especially by someone who had nothing to do with her life, anymore at least.

"Ha! Fuck you Emmett, you're the one who ran off with that whore so don't even blame this shit on me"

"You're avoiding my question" he stepped forward.

"No, I'm not I'm just not answering it, you have no damn right demanding to know what I do with my life anymore" Rosalie was literally inches away from Emmett's face, she could feel his hot angry breath on her face, she wasn't backing down from this fight. She was in control; she was the one that called the shots. He wasn't anything to do with them anymore. And if she so happened to decide he wasn't going to see Seth and Leah then that's what she bloody well decided and he wasn't in any position to make demands or barge in on her life.

"It is when your bringing some sleaze ball in and introducing them to my kids, what you plan on replacing me or something" it was at this moment Rosalie realised it wasn't Emmett talking, it was his irrational fear of being left alone, his irrational and at times completely understandable but yet still stupid paranoia kicking in, and in those few seconds she looked deep into his eyes and felt the rejection and pain he felt on a daily basis, the pain he'd felt ever since he was little.

You see, Emmett spent most of his childhood from about 4 years old till he was 18 being passed on, and passed onto different foster homes, each one declaring their love and devotion to him. Only to throw him to the curb when he did something that only Emmett could manage to do, embarrass them beyond belief with his pranks and innuendos, even as a 12 year old he still managed to turn simple, innocent things into something more, or prank someone so much they felt vulnerable, it wasn't his fault. It was his way of showing affection, his way of saying_ you know what I'm really happy here with you guys, I hope you keep me._

Rose always believed she could change him, be the one to make him feel good, make him believe he was wanted, and she had…until Emmett became paranoid and pushed the boundaries, again and again and again, until one day the boundary was one that she couldn't put back up, something so bad that even duck tape and super glue couldn't put back together. She could live with the innuendos, she actually loved the way he could turn a simple sentence like, they scored 4 nil, into something else, it made life interesting. But when he pushed and pushed them until they were in a whole new league of there own she couldn't handle it. He never meant to hurt her. He was waiting, almost trying to bring on the inevitable day when she would leave him that little bit closer. They say that the life you live in as a child is one you try to re-create as an adult. Rosalie tried to re-create the loving family life she had lived, white picket fence and all, though Emmett's was a little more vulnerable. He had lived 4 years of his life with his mother barely having enough money to feed him let alone pay for her coke, and his father well, he would bring whores back even if his mother was in the house, fuck them senseless while his mother was getting her fix on the kitchen counter. Then he'd been taken away, each home showing him so much love and affection that it hurt, scared him and left him feeling like everything was wrong with the world, to a child that was brought up in so much hate to be shown that kind of affection was overwhelming, he wanted something to go wrong, and when it didn't, he'd make it go wrong, just to show himself _yeah, this is real, they do love me,_ although unfortunately when he'd finally realise this it would be too late, they'd already be sending him packing. When he reached 16 it was just something that was the norm, _'I'll fuck up this life like I did the last and I'll keep going._

Every woman is looking for their bad boy, the bad apple that they can make good, that's exactly what Rosalie did, and it had worked for a little while at least.

She just hadn't expected, or thought maybe _just maybe he needs some help, maybe just having me and two gorgeous children isn't enough._

"It is my business when it comes to my children Rose, please I wanted to take them out, Seth wanted to see the zoo, I just wanted to take them out, please" he was crumbling, the one thing he held dearly was being ripped away from him and he didn't know how to handle it, he wanted to make things right, but some things just happen. _Life's a bitch and death's a bastard_, was the motto lived by all his life.

She felt _her_ resolve crumble, as much as she resented Emmett for what he had done, she still loved him, he was the father of her two children, she'd taken her love back but she didn't want to take her children back from him either, so she gave in, she could take them to their grandparents in the week.

"Fine, I want them back tomorrow at 4, Seth has baseball practice at 5" she took a step back, making enough space for him to enter the flat. It was only then did they notice the little boy with big blue eyes and curly dark hair standing there, his hands shaking and his face switching from each parent, as if to say _mommy, daddy please don't fight, I didn't mean to do it, I'm sorry._

-

More, more, more, I need more. Was all that went through her mind, she needed it, craved it, and spent all her time trying to get it. Did everything and anything she had to, just to get it. An old bald man lay on a mite infected bed; he had it so she did everything she could just to get it, now she had it. Yet she wanted more, more, and more. All of it, she wanted a skip full of it, filled so high it spilled out onto the floor, and even then she'd want more, all she can get. All of it. It was never enough; her body craved it, more, more, and more. His snores weren't cute or sweet they were, hard and heavy and dirty, all the years he'd spent using it and other things made his snores this way, even when he breathed it was heavy as if he was choking on the oxygen. She wanted more, but it was all gone, she'd used every last little grain of the white powder, it was gone. She had no more use for him, he'd been rough left her arms and legs with bruises, but it didn't matter she had got it. And now it was gone, she was coming down from her high, he body was shaking, everything was blurred she didn't know who she was, didn't care right then she wanted more. All of the crack she could get, more, more and more, just give her more.

Ten years of an addiction left her with nothing, moving from state to state, crack house to abandoned building to dark alley. She was an addict, a criminal, an alcoholic just a shell of a once beautiful person. Gone, all gone there was no more left, she tried to pick herself up but she couldn't, her body wouldn't let her, her mind screamed more! I want more give me more. But she couldn't move, her arm reached over to the discarded bottle she had yet to drink, she was drunk and high and she didn't care, she just wanted more. She lifted it to her lips and gulped it down, the liquor burned the back of her throat, it felt good she needed it, to feed the demon inside her, just feed it, get it to shut the fuck up.

So she drank because she had no more rock, no more glue no more anything just drink. The demon screamed _drink it all motherfucker, all of it, drink it I want more_ and she did, until she blacked out.

Esme lay in an abandoned warehouse, each floor something illegal and scary and wrong happened, each floor had a different but the same story to tell, one of addicts and whores and drug dealers and murderers, scary truths that didn't scare her. This was all she knew, this was her life her Home. All she knew.

When she woke up she looked around the room, moving her head side to side, her hair getting even more matted with each turn, how did she get here? She couldn't remember last night, just the feeling, the feeling of uttermost fulfilment, until it was gone and there was emptiness. Her stomach wrenched, and she knew it was coming, she did some fucked up things to her body last night, and this was payment, her whole body heaved and she vomited blood lots of blood, left over breakfast from the day before and chunks of brown, which she knew was the lining of her stomach, it just kept on coming, all over the floor and her face, in her hair on her clothes, everywhere. When she was done Esme got up, her legs shaking protesting, she was hurting she needed more to get rid of the pain. Her clothes, where were her clothes? On the floor by the door, she put them on she took a deep breath, regretting it, she smelled, urine where she was too drunk to use the toilet, smoke were she'd been using the pipe-the crack pipe, and other things she didn't want to identify. She needed to have a wash, but she wanted more, just to kill it, kill the beast that was eating her inside almost crippling her. Fully clothed now and on she walked down the hallways, hearing cries of pain and fulfilment. She wanted what they had, but she knew they wouldn't give it to her so she kept on walking trying to find some one who would. She left the building the sun high up in the sky hurting her eyes painfully, she blinked a few times to adjust them and kept walking, she walked towards her friends flat, she needed to wash, and maybe she'd have something for her. Esme didn't have any money, just the ratty jeans and the bloody shirt and too big jumper on her back.

_More get me more! I want more!_ Her mind screamed at her and she had to obey she had to she didn't know how else not to, ten years of an addiction a brutal addiction that was killing her on the inside. She needed help but she wanted the drugs more then the help, so she kept walking. Almost running until she made it to a nice little maisonette, she walked through the gate she kept walking she wanted more, needed more. She hands shook and she ran toward the door, her hand banging on it so hard it hurt. She needed to get in get away, run away.

A tall blonde opened the door, her eyes wide she shock and then recognition, she tried to help Esme, but Esme pushed her aside and ran towards the bathroom, ripping off her clothes, and turning the shower on, putting the hot water on full, she stepped in, the water was freezing, her body -ruined because of abuse- shivered and then she was hit with hot water. Boiling hot water, scolding hot water that made her body turn red, it hurt but she didn't care she deserved it, she wanted it. She washed her body with expensive soap and rinsed it off; she stepped out of the shower and the cold air hurt her frail body just as much as the hot water had, she was shaking but from the cold? No, from the loss, she needed more. More. More. More.

With the towel wrapped around her body she stepped out of the bathroom a fresh pair of jeans, a clean white top and a brown cardigan waiting for her on a nearby chair along with fresh underwear, the clothes weren't hers but Tanya's, her friend the one person that she kept hurting, pushing away. The one person who kept trying to help her, but Esme believed she couldn't be helped, a drug addiction for a year is hard to kick, but ten is impossible.

She walked into the front room, her friend talked on the phone in hushed tones and immediately she knew it was about her, Tanya stopped talking said 'I have to go' and put the phone down, she looked at her friend with pity, disappointment and sadness, a face that meant 'I'm going to lecture you, but if I do you will run away and I don't want that I need you with me, so I wont'.

A prisoner of words unsaid.

Tanya stood, wrapped her arms around her self in a vulnerable manner and said "Would you like me to get you anything? Coffee? Tea?"

"Have you got cigarettes? And some wine would be good" was the reply she got.

She shut her eyes and counted to ten "Esme, please don-"

But she was interrupted by "No, don't start, I need them have you got cigarettes" anything to kill it, stamp it out this monster, was something she might have added if she didn't know it would hurt her friend.

"I have cigarettes, but I'm not giving you drink, May" Tanya added her nickname for Esme hoping she would understand why she was doing this; she was an enemy because she wasn't she was her friend.

"Fine, I'll get the drink myself later, where are the fags?" Esme's eyes frantically searched for them, trying to get them as quick as she could anything to get rid of this monster that was stirring inside of her again. Tanya, reached into her back pocket and retrieved a packet of 20 Mayfair and a lime green lighter, and gave it to her friend. Her heart was racing because she needed to keep Esme here, anything to keep her away from the drugs, even if it meant giving nicotine, anything to keep her safe.

Esme's shaking hands fumbled with the packet until she pulled out a cigarette, her heart was now racing like her friends, but only because she was about to feed the beast, calm him down, sedate him. A long pregnant pause filled the room as she took a greedy drag from the white stick, and another, and another, and another until she was pulling out another cigarette, but this time she went to sit down and looked at her friend, who's eye were now filled to the brim with tears.

-

Eight weeks later and Bella Swan finally had her cast taken off, it was about 6:30am and she was getting ready for work. She pulled up her dark jeans and silently rejoiced in the fact she could now walk again, even though she had two pins put into her ankle, she only needed about a week of therapy to get it working again. She had laughed saying that her body was so used to being broken that it probably knew the drill by now. Edward had the day off, although he was on call, so he would wake Renesmee when it was time for her to go to school. Her trainers now on Bella grabbed her coat and made for the door. She wanted to get in early today because she had a new patient, so she had to sort out their recovery program and also not to mention she still had to read the young woman's file.

Jumping into her C4 Hatchback she put it into drive and drove out of the car parking lot. If she had of known her patient was Esme Anne Platt, a 23 year old who had been addicted to cocaine since she was 16, alcohol since she was 13, and various other drugs throughout the years she may have asked for someone more…experienced, to take over for her, but she didn't, so she drove to work expecting the average patient, a 23 year old how got into drugs during high school and wants to stop. Not a young woman who was sexually abused by local boys and physically abused by her father, not to mention how she got money for the drugs she took.

So to Isabella Masen, this was an ordinary day, in her not so ordinary job, with not so ordinary people, she didn't realise that the moment she stepped into her office would be the moment her life changed, everyone's life changed. However whether it would have been good or bad is not for me to say, I'm just an ordinary story teller, in her ordinary blue room. Had she not been in such a hurry to get to work she wouldn't have forgotten her purse, she wouldn't have had to drive all the way back and waste one hour searching her house for her 'God damn keys'. She muttered and cursed and shouted at inanimate objects so loudly that when 8:30 rolled around and her husband strolled into the kitchen she didn't notice him.

Though he was a very elegant creature and spent most of his married life 'accidentally' walking so quietly that his wife would notice him casually doing some form of something from the corner of her eye jump three feet in the air, and well land on her arse. That day was no different, so when she looked up at him from her sitting position, hair swept across her face and beads of sweat dripping down the back of her neck to see him looking as perfect as ever, grey cardigan over a green button up dress shirt and jeans that casually hung from his hips, well she wanted to she wanted to push his pretty behind into a pile of mud, then again he'd probably pull that look off so she decided against it and took willingly the hand he had extended for her, and asked, blushing with embarrassment "You, err haven't seen my purse have you? It's got my office keys in there"

He wrapped his arms around her waist pressing his lips against her neck chuckling at the same time, and replied "you left them in your office last night remember?"

Bella was completely and utterly pissed off, she really was if it had of been a bad teen sitcom surely she would have stomped her foot and let out a large 'ughhh' in frustration, but she didn't because she was a 28 year old woman, she was strong independent and well mainly because her husbands cool lips were currently brushing against her neck rendering her completely and utterly helpless to him and it took all the will power she could muster to remember to breath. Stumbling back from his warm embrace she regained her posture, straightened out her hair, kissed her husband on the lips and left the house with as much dignity she could muster, even though she knew Edward didn't mind the least, it still made her feel like she had dementia when she forgot things and ran around the house like a bat out of hell looking for them.

Back in her car and on her way back to work she muttered 'fuck I'm going to be late' and kicked the car into fourth.

Once she arrived at the building she went straight through reception and up to her office struggling to hold two piles of paper work, but when she arrived Bella noticed her patient was there, curled into a ball shaking violently in the corner. Bella, being as professional as she possibly could dumped her belongings on the desk and ran over to the 23 year old, pulling her into the recovery position the best she could as Esme's body sadistically thrashed about in her seizure, Bella stood, ran to the telecom system that was at the end of the hallway and called for the nurse. Rushing back to her office she was confronted with the young woman being passed out on the floor soaked in blood; vomit and brown chunks of something that looked a lot like stomach. As soon as the nurse arrived along with Billy the unit's supervisor Bella stormed up to him, absolutely fuming "Why was she taken off of Librium and Diazepam? God sake Billy she could have had a stroke or died!" she buried her head in her hands to calm herself as the janitor; Sam came and cleaned up her office.

"I don't know, you need to check her chart make sure she is still on it and then ask her why she didn't take them if she is. I have to go, I'll speak to you at lunch ok" he placed a calming hand on her shoulder, squeezed and walked down the hall. Bella looked at her watch 10:29, Esme would be put back into her room in an hour or so, she'd go and check on her then. Yet she still had a file to read so she made her way back into her office, opened the windows, left the door open and sprayed some air freshener and sat in the large leather chair that was situated behind a large desk. Her office always reminded her of a head teachers office, she had family photos on walls, a book shelves which she let patients read from if they had enough of the alcoholics anonymous books the new testament and the 12 steps. She had a cushy purple couch put in just after she started working there five years ago over on the far wall by the door, to her right was large window complete with window plants and a small purple watering can.

The walls were once the horrible white that covered most of the walls in the building, even though it wasn't the colour she wanted she managed to get a creamy colour, she felt it was less intimidating for her patients.

Three hours later and she had finished reading Esme's file, well that only took her ten minutes and she would need to get some more information to fatten it out, but what had taken up her time was sorting out her recovery programme according to the information in the file, and well tracking down whether or not Esme was given her medicine, it was unbelievably hard, apparently due to the patients confidentiality contract Bella wasn't allowed to look unless she had a signed signature from the units supervisor, so she spent an hour looking for Billy then 30 minutes waiting for the bitch of a nurse to say 'yeah, whatever here'.

So the next day there she sat in her chair, opposite her Esme who looked defiant and lost, but above all needy, she wanted the drugs. Bella could see it in her eyes she was fighting a battle in her mind. Every patient is told that they can leave whenever they like when they first start the program most do, some stay, some fight the addiction only a few win, out of the 250 women and the 248 men at the institution only 16 or 20 will leave an stay sober, the rest may fight for a little while, but in the end they'll loose and find themselves back at stage one.

"Esme, I know you may not trust me, but you're going to have to if you want my help" authority was obvious in her voice as she put down her note book and pen, and stared at Esme. Their eyes locked for a few minutes before Esme replied "everyone I've ever trusted left me, now the one person I trust put me in here on the promise that if I don't get sober she'll leave me too. What makes you think I will trust you?"

"You want to get better?"

"Obviously"

"Then you need to trust me"

"I'll try"

"You need to trust me"

"I'll try"

"Not good enough you need to trust me"

"I'll try"

"Not the answer I want, are you going to get sober"

"I'll try"

"Esme this isn't going to help you, you need to do"

"Like I said 'I'll try'"

"Well, when you're ready to do come back to me, but for now I need you to tell me about your life for the past ten years" Bella's hand mentioned towards Esme, and Esme let out a long heavy sigh and said "I'll try"

"I have all day"

"When I was 10 my mom remarried, she had divorced my father a few years before and this new bloke seemed nice, I never really saw him but when he moved in, it was weird. He'd look at me and I'd cringe I knew there was something wrong with him. My mom Lillian she was infatuated with him so she never believed me, used to say I just didn't like seeing her happy, and I needed to grow up and stop being selfish. She must have said something to him because that night he came into my room, I wasn't scared he was smiling at me said he wanted to have a chat. So I'd said OK, he sat on the end of my bed and looked me in the eye and his smile grew into this grimace as if looking at me made him angry." Tears formed in Esme's eyes as she explained the memory "then he- he err, grabbed me by my wrists and pinned me to the bed. He didn't touch me sexually, though I always feared one day he would, but he grabbed my face and I knew his fingers were probably going white from the lack of blood going to them because of how hard he was holding my face, and he'd told me if I so much as looked at him he'd put me in hospital. It just got worse after that, the beatings I mean, it was like he would go to work and figure out different ways to hurt me, he'd do it in front of my mom not that she knew. Little things like spill tea on me or accidentally get my hair caught in his watch and yank clumps out or once he stabbed me with a knife under the table. He'd leave me notes saying things like 'I'm going to break your bones' or 'I hope you're not fond of your fingers'." Esme put her hand on the table, palm up and Bella couldn't help but gasp at the shape of her right hand, the tips were flat as if someone had taken a knife an cut them right off, in her palm was a huge scar that lead all the way into Esme's long sleeved shirt, noticing where Bella's eyes were looking she pulled her arm out of the sleeve to reveal the scar went all the way up her arm and stopped at her collar bone. "She's still married to him, he turned her against me, my life isn't a fairytale and it isn't happy and it isn't loving. Its dark and it's scary and abusive and no place for someone like you, can I go to my room?"

"Of course Esme, could you come back tomorrow?" Esme nodded and just as she reached the door she felt a warm hand on her elbow, the contact was meant to be comforting but it made her feel uncomfortable, she wanted to run, run far away "Esme, you're wrong, I need to know, my life hasn't been happy, I'm sure its not as bad as yours, but it was never loving or any of the things a childhood should me, trust me please let me be your friend"

"I don't make friends"

"Why not?"

"I hate goodbyes"

-

She lay on her back counting the cracks in the ceiling, it was all she could do she had no belongings, no home, no family to call and defiantly no friends; well there was Tanya but Esme was cutting off her nose to spite her face. She didn't want to be there, in an clinic for drug addicts, she'd much rather be in some run down block of flats snorting coke, sniffing glue and smoking crack, anything other then what she was doing now, counting the same five damn cracks in the wall over and over again as if the last hour or so had changed them

In her room was four beds in each corner, in the middle of the far wall was a wooden door and just next to her bed was a sinister looking window. As far as she knew no-one occupied the other three beds although it would have been nice to talk to someone, someone who wasn't Bella, a woman she was sure -from the pictures- lived in a nice house with her perfect husband and her perfect little girl and their overly cute chocolate Labrador and their nice network of friends. She didn't want to trust Bella, she wanted to trust someone who was just as fucked up as herself, someone addicted to something, someone like her.

Next to her bed was a simple bedside table and on it were an alarm clock and a lamp. Esme picked up the clock and stared at the time 10:07, she still had a whole day ahead of her, and she was only in Mrs Cullen's office under two hours ago so she had figured maybe it would do her some good to go outside and sit on the bench, though when she got there she would pull out her cigarettes and smoke, some how she thought it ironic that the simple gesture of doing herself some good turned out to end with a drug.

She pulled the cigarette out and took a drag and on cue eight seconds later she could feel the nicotine enter her system, but it wasn't enough she needed more, so she took another and another trying to quench the beast, but nothing seemed to work, she kept wanting no wanting more and more until she was on her seventh fag, it was then she noticed someone sat next to her doing the exact same. She turned her head to look at him and suddenly was very confused.

He was of slim build yet she could tell he was toned and slightly muscular by his arms, he had hair that was so blonde it was almost white, it was in a shot-but-long-enough-to-run-your-fingers-through-and-lock-them-in-his-soft-curls length, it was then that he turned to look at her and she was met with the iciest of blue eyes she had ever seen, locked in a trance as she looked into his eyes she nearly missed the field of eye lashes framing his eyes, his pale skin, almost chiselled features and he had a rugged look with is week old stubble.

Though she looked a second too long if she hadn't she wouldn't have seen the sadness and the sorrow in them she would have missed the pain as well, if only she could look away from his eyes. She didn't know what this guy was on but he was hooked and it was strong and he needed it again.

She turned her face away from him a few moments later but not before he could get a good look at her, he had seen her caramel colour hair waving in the wind from the window as she sat on the bench smoking, he was drawn to her almost as if the fact he could just tell she was even more fucked up then him meant he needed to sit next to her, as if she was a seventy year old bottle of whisky. So he sat next to her pulled out a fag and took drag after drag after drag hoping he could erase the thoughts of that perfect drink. But then he looked into the depths of her hazel eyes and he could tell she was more fucked up then he could ever imagine, and that its self made him even more addicted to her and he hadn't even spoken to her, he wanted to uncover the beauty that lay deep in the skin that lay deep inside her.

He turned himself away not looking at her and simply said "Hello, I'd look at you and talk but they don't allow patients to talk to any other sex in here unless it's the doctors or nurses, but I'm Carlisle, how fucked up are you?"

Esme kept her head straight ahead, but a smile crept on her face, and replied to this imperfect stranger "more then anyone will ever now, what you in for?"

"Alcoholic, you?"

"Everything-under-the-sun unfortunately"

"Damn, how long?"

"10 years now, you?"

"Well I'm 25 now, started when I was 10 so 15 years"

"You look like someone important, I mean by your clothes and the fags you're smoking"

"You can tell all that by my cigarettes?"

"Not everyone can afford Marlboro Red, or well stand the taste either"

"Ha, I see, I'm a doctor"

"Well fuck me; they let you stitch people up?"

Carlisle let out an easy laugh something about this woman was making it harder and harder for him not to look at her as she spoke, the way she seemed to not care when she spoke and it didn't come out the most tactful, though he wanted to know everything about her, anything she would tell him. Carlisle looked at his watch.

"We'd better get going" "OK, will I see you again?"

"Maybe, we'll see"

"My mother would say that when I was younger a lot, it always meant no, oh well goodbye Doctor Carlsburg"

"It's Cullen…"

"I know, just seemed like the right name for a alcoholic doctor, you can call me Cracks if it makes you feel better"

Esme made her way to the lecture which consisted of a woman telling her 'fellow brothers and sisters' that God was what kept her from relapsing, Esme stopped listening after her bullshit 'hello everyone', though it frustrated Esme that after she had thanked everyone for listening as if that had had a choice.

A slightly annoyed Esme made her was to the lounge where she smoked some cigarettes, looking at her watch she noted she had thirty minutes until lunch, although she was hungry she dreaded it, every time she tried to do something good to her body it would make her violently sick, it didn't want to get better, though she didn't want to get better either, she had no choice.

A week earlier "You will go and God damn it you will get better!" the tall red head scream at her boyfriend, she stood centimetres from his face arms waving about, her face was flushed with anger just like his, his breathing was erratic jaw clenched while his nose flared. His light blonde hair clashed with her red, her tan clashed with his pale skin, her American accent with his British. Though they were both beautiful and young, him at 25 and her at 21, she wanted marriage just like he did, though the proposal never came. He wanted to be someone's husband just not Victoria's.

"I will not go there to be treated like I have a problem; I am not addicted to any form of substance your paranoia is annoyingly patronising!" he had screamed, though is was not needed the argument was over the moment she had started it, had he known this he might have not wasted his breath, he was going to Seattle's Drug and Alcohol Addiction rehab whether it Victoria had to tie him up, and shoved him in her car boot or he walked in there of his own accord.

A day before he would meet Esme he stepped through the glass doors, Victoria attached to his arm as if she was scared he would make a run for it he had signed himself in, said his good byes and followed Eric towards his office. Eric sat in his chair and pulled out Carlisle's file saying "I understand you have an alcohol problem, I know we spoke on the phone but I need to go into more detail about how much you drink, why and such and such, should take about an hour is that ok?" Mr Yorkie's eyes connected with Carlisle's that very moment and Carlisle felt scared, a totally irrational fear of the truth, of accepting his alcoholism of admitting to not only a perfect stranger but himself that he drank himself to beyond annihilation almost every night. If he could not admit it in side of his head how could he to this man?

"I understand that you feel uncomfortable Dr Cullen, but you need to understand that if you don't admit this to yourself you'll never be able to become a free man"

_Admit? To myself?_ Carlisle had thought _what does he wish me to say that I am a fuck up, everything in my life including my relationship with the woman I'm with is one of complete false ship, everyone I know does not know me, but a man who comes across smooth collected and completely together, when inside I am crumbling at my foundations? _A mental argument then ensued, he believed so badly that his problem was one of lack of happiness, he never dug deeper never thought maybe it was all of those and more, maybe his mother could have loved him more, his father could have shown him what a real man was meant to be, maybe his sister should have cared enough to ask him what was wrong, maybe, maybe, maybe if he just had a different life then, then maybe he would have been happy. But he didn't and that was what ate him up inside he did not know, he had no true reason why he drank, he just did, the feeling of buying the drink, the anticipation on the drive hone the way his heart sped up he'd feel adrenaline rush through his veins, he'd sneak it in like a teenager run to his room drink bottle after can after bottle and feel light headed and happy, he'd laugh and laugh he never knew why everything was so funny, nothing seemed to matter.

Maybe his mother was right, maybe he did need help, maybe he should be in a mental asylum more then a drug abuse clinic.

* * *

**~Oh yes, the past can hurt. But, you can either run from it or, learn from it ****Rafiki, from The Lion King~

* * *

**

Dark, it was very dark. And late, yes that too, very dark and very late.

Edward was laying on his side, the left half of his face crushed into his pillow, lips parted as he lay perfectly still, the only thing that gave him away was the fact his eyes were wide open. Just another night where he was left sleepless, a huff of frustration had him rolling onto his other side where he could look at his wife, her nose was scrunched up in dislike as if something was tickling it, a hand from under the covers shot up and frantically rubbed her as her face, Bella's palm then went to rubbing her eyes and then as quick as it happened her hand dropped and she went back into a deep sleep only mumbling 'no…Alice…not the bikini'. Edward rolled over once again but this time on his back, an arm resting behind his head as the other lay across his eyes and waited for either sleep or the morning to come.

Though he knew that when sleep would finally come no matter how much he tried to forget, he knew what he would dream of, and for that reason he wasn't sure what frightened him more, laying in bed staring into darkness or dreaming if his past, of his mother the one thing a little boy should never have to lose. Edward's eyes started to close and he felt the inevitable haze of sleep bring his eyelids to a close. Drifting into unconscious Edward felt a sudden flash of fear, pure unadulterated sickening terror crashed through his mind and all he could remember thinking before he drifted to off was_ 'fuck, I'm not ready for this shit'._

Edward was running through trees, in his haste to get away he started to stumble and trip away from his pursuer, twigs snapped under his bare feet as they pounded the ground, he tripped cutting his hands open, not bothering to check the damage he pulled himself up to hear rustling in the trees whether it was his attacker or a mere animal he didn't know, taking off in a run his palms hit the nearby trees that seem to jump out and get in his way, the blood from his palms smears on them. Light starts to pour through the canopy of the trees, he's not sure of how long he's been running for but his pursuer is getting closer he can hear him calling, he tries to pick up his pace but his legs soon grow tired and he once again collapses on the ground, mud and small stones get stuck in his hands, the pain is some what bearable compared to the pain in his wrist, pulling his wrist to his stomach in a half arsed attempt to protect it he takes off again. Suddenly everything changes and Edward is running through corridors though that's not the only thing that has changed, he's not being chased he's running towards his mothers screams, and he's not the twenty eight year old doctor who saves lives, he's the scared four year old, tears streaking down his face as he cries out for his mother, he runs through never ending corridors, swinging doors open and continuing his search for his mother, he starts to stumble and he trips again, though his face isn't laying on carpet or wood, it's grass and once again the scenario changes and Edward is watching the whole thing as if it was on the TV, the little boy has reached his mother, she's laying on the ground bleeding, crying holding a baby in her arms. He runs towards her, but no matter how fast he runs he can't reach her, she's getting further and further away and her crying voice is starting to disappear, suddenly she's screaming his name, "Edward! Edward, HELP ME!" but he can't get to her, he's just a little boy.

"Edward" she soon calls again.

"Edward, baby" someone's holding him, shaking him stopping him from running, he just wants to get to her "Edward baby, wake up, it's ok honey wake up"

His eyes open and he sits up, his face clammy with sweat and his breathing is erratic, and the sun is streaming into his bedroom. Edward looked up to meet the scared eyes of Bella, realising it was a dream, _that_ dream, but a dream none the less he calmed down kissed his wife on the cheek and got up to shower.

~X~

The hot water pounded onto his back as the stream fogged the mirror above the hand basin. He seemed to all but forget his nightmare as he stepped out and pulled on his clothes, it was a Saturday so simple jeans and green polo shirt replaced his blue scrubs and white coat, his auburn array of hair disobeyed him more then ever so he gave up, slipped on a pair of black flip flops and flipped his way down to the kitchen, Bella must have left for work, but Renesmee was sat at the breakfast bar gobbling down a bowl of Cap'n Crunch as if the bowl was about to run away, he couldn't help himself when he stood in front of her with a cereal bowl, saluted and said "crunch-a-tize me cap'n" his tween-age daughter looked up at him without missing a beat and replied "sure thing, papa" and poured him a bowl full while giggling that maybe she was a little too old for that joke. He argued that he wasn't, and she said "silly papa".

It wasn't long after that, that Edward's phone rang; he jogged to get it, Nessie's face full of concentration as she did the game on the back of the box.

"Hello" his velvety voice answered.

"Yo, Eddie" Edward rolled his eyes at his younger brother and his incessant need to call him by the nickname _Eddie_ "What you up to ta-day?"

"Was planning a father-daughter day _Emmy_, why? What have you got planned?" he couldn't help but use Emmet's nickname.

"I have Seth and Leah today, wanted to know, if _yah know_, my favourite niece and my bestest brother wanted to come to the park with me"

"I'm your only brother Emmett, and we would love to. Come round when you're ready and we'll go" Emmett and Edward were biologically related but Edward was put into foster care when he was around four, Emmett was two at the time and his mother's poor attempt to keep one of her children had her hiding Emmett from social services. Edward never saw his mother again, though when social services finally did find out about Emmett two years later he was put into a different foster family, fortunately they were allowed to keep contact with each other threw e-mails and letters. They had only truly been reunited once they were fifteen; seven years after they started to get in contact with one and other- they both begged their careers to take them to each other for a visit. When Emmett was eighteen he moved to Seattle to be closer to his brother, the one person who Emmett didn't feel the need to continually push away.

Closing the phone Edward walked up to Nessie and said "hoist the sails, we're going to the park to day, go get dressed yeah?"

"With who?" she replied slurping on the milk left in the bowl, her attention completely taken over by the left over sugar that had sunk to the bottom.

"Your cousins and uncle, come on princess hurry up or I'll take you out like that" he tapped the breakfast bar and went back to his cereal, which was now a sloppy mess, turning his nose up at it he poked it with his spoon.

"But papa! I'm too old to be seen with them, that's sooooo not fair!" she pulled out a pout that rivalled Alice's. Edward was useless against his daughter, Renesmee realised from an early age that she had him wrapped around her baby finger, and took advantage of this at all times.

"Ness, what do you want to do instead then?" he said, trying to figure out a way to compromise with his twelve year old.

"Well, now that you mention it, there's a new pizza place that just open up a block away from the park, can we go there, can we please?" her pout back on Edward nodded and put his bowl on the side, opting for a cereal bar instead.

"Where's Jake?" he said through a mouth full.

"I let him out in the garden, so unless mom brought him back in, he should still be there, I'm going to get ready pa"

"Ok" he replied and went to the back door to let their over grown chocolate Labrador in, Jake came bounding in, looking more like a horse then a dog, Edward jumped out of the way before he was tackled to the ground. Unable to stop Jake skidded on the wood flooring as he tried to take off out the door towards the kitchen, his huge body glided along and crashed into the wooden coffee table and before Edward was able to stop it the $1000 vase on it wobbled and then plummeted to the ground. Edward nearly jumped for joy when he saw that the dreaded thing was indeed too damaged for repair, he had been trying to get rid of that thing for as long as he had been trying to get rid of Bella's wellington boots, but clearing up the mess he came across some thing that wiped the grin off his face and had him looking like he was about to cry, he picked up his brand new iPhone which was now dripping from the water that had been spilled from the vase.

The door bell rang and he stood up his head hung still holding his broken piece of technology Edward opened the door to his brother "Unk Edward!" Seth exclaimed jumping into his uncles arms.

"Hey Seth what's up bud!" clutching the five year old in one arm, he held Leah's hand with his and said "and what do I owe the pleasure ma'am" she let out a laugh and struggled to free herself from Emmett's arms to get on the ground.

"It's broken, I don't think the insurance covers clumsy dogs either" Edward handed the iPhone to his brother, put Seth down and went to finish cleaning up the mess.

"Fuc-I mean what happened in here" Emmett laughed looking at the damage.

"That mutt the two women in this house insist on having that's what happened, I swear if he didn't eat food from under the table when Bella tries to cook meatloaf he'd be outa here"

"You really don't like meatloaf do you? Where's Nessie?" he dropped himself onto the leather couch, Leah let out a shrill baby laugh and clapped her hands as Emmett sat her up next to him, Edward mumbled 'breaking my fucking furniture already' just loud enough so Emmett would hear.

"EMMETT!" came a loud feminine scream from Nessie as it was her turn to launch herself into her uncles arms, he let out a booming laugh and wrapped his arms around her. Edward couldn't help but smile at his daughter as she tried to squeeze her uncle to death, a hard task considering he was built like a tank.

"Hello to you too, sorry have we met before?" Emmett asked with a huge grin on his face.

"No, I don't think we have, I think you should leave before my dad comes home and sees you" her lips were in a thin line and Renesmee looked completely serious.

"I better go then, can't have Eddi-" though he was cut off from what he was saying by a "DADDY!" everyone turned their head to see a very cross Seth by the door, his arms were crossed and if it wasn't for the fact he was five years old he might have looked slightly menacing "You said we are going to the paaaarrrrk, can we go"

Laughing Edward walked over to Seth swung him over his shoulder and said "lets go, Ness you got everything you wanted to bring, we'll go to that pizza place afterwards ok?"  
"Ok pa, gimme a sec, I wanna get my iPod and my cam recorder"

Emmett picked up Leah from her seat next to him and went to his jeep; he buckled Leah in as Edward buckled Seth in on the other side on the car. Renesmee came skipping out the front door stumbling slightly on the brickwork of the driveway, and as gracefully as she could manage slid in between her cousins. Unfortunately, her mothers eyes weren't the only thing Bella had given her daughter, Renesmee was well known for her clumsiness, though she got her fathers charm and array of bronze locks that fell to the middle of her back.

Emmett buckled himself in and they were on their way to the park, the drive was quick only fifteen minutes although seven minutes into the ride Edward and Emmett burst into uncontrollable laugh as Seth attempted to sing along to the radio, the song Poker Face played, though Seth's version consisted of screaming at the top of his lung "POKER FACE! YEAH I POKE YOUR FACE! FACEFACE POKEPOKE OH, OH, OH" which was accompanied by very violent head banging, Renesmee on the other hand had pulled out her video recorder and was filming the whole thing. Leah started to laugh for no apparent reason just as the laughter started to die down and Emmett looked into his review mirror at her saying "sorry baby girl, you're a bit late".

Once they arrived at the park Seth ran off towards the swings in the children's park, Edward was hot on his heels while Emmett pushed Leah in her buggy towards the ice-cream van. Renesmee stood a bit back choosing to follow her uncle instead of her father and cousin to the swings, cam recorder still in front of her face. A few minutes later and Seth was happily squealing as Edward pushed him higher and higher on the kiddie swings, Emmett and Renesmee where laughing as they came back, Emmett handed his son a Clippo, Which he knew Seth would end up having more on his shirt then in his mouth. Edward and Nessie had both very similar tastes in food, so they both licked away at strawberry ice-creams, Emmett however ate a hot dog from the van next the Mr Whippy Van, Edward had rolled his eyes at his brother _that man could eat a horse and still be hungry._

~X~

A few hours later and Nessie was swapping her spare battery and memory card in her Cam recorder as they drove towards Chuck E Cheese, it was already 5:30 and Seth was starting to get crappy _just like his father _Edward thought as they stepped out of the car. Leah was sound asleep in her seat so they had decided to just put her in her buggy instead of carrying her in and putting her in a high chair.

The waitress came over and took their orders and Seth was getting even more crappy as the evening went on and he wasn't being fed, Edward laughed at Seth's face when his pizza came, you would have thought no-one ever fed him before, and then he turned to look at Emmett and he thought exactly the same thing, Leah was still sound asleep and Renesmee finally closed her recorder and ate her food. The table was silent for a few minutes until Edward said "Are you coming round for Sunday lunch tomorrow? Jasper, Alice and their tribe will be round" he took a bite out of his all meat combo pizza.

"Yeah, don't have to take them back till six, do you want me to bring anything to drink, I'd bring food but even I wouldn't eat that stuff" Nessie laughed at her uncles comment, if Emmett was being completely honest even Jake, refused to eat Emmet's food.

"Good, I'll tell Bella in a bit. Seth, bud you ready for pudding?"

"Yeahhh, can I have chocolate cake?"

"Sorry, dude they don't do that, oooo papa can I get cinnamon sticks? I'll share it I promise"

~X~

"Alice, this is serious" Bella said to her bestfriend as they sat on the sofa in the living room, Bella had noticed her vase was missing, she'd be asking about it later in the week, however her mind was too pre-occupied to complain about it. Alice rubbed her tummy while rolling her eyes at her friend, sometimes Bella worried too much, she was going to get grey hairs.

"I know, and I'm being serious, just tell him. I'm more then sure he will be over the moon, this is Edward we're talking about"

"Yeah, but you know how he was when I was carrying Ness, I wasn't allowed to walk up stairs without him getting worried I might get hurt"

"Oh, honey you are slightly a lot clumsy, I don't blame him for worrying. Haven't you spoken about having another baby?" Alice asked knotting her eyebrows in confusion, fair enough the pregnancy she was having now wasn't planned but there was some form of unspoken agreement between her and Jasper that they wanted another baby.

"No. I didn't think I really wanted another one, Renesmee was such a challenge, though I wouldn't mind" it wasn't unknown to Alice that when Renesmee was a toddler she somehow managed to get every cold or virus under the sun, from whooping cough to chicken pox to the common cold. Though having another baby would be something new.

Alice picked up her glass of orange juice from the table as she stated "I think you should tell Edward soon"

"Tell Edward what?" Bella's knight in shinning armour said coming through the doors holding a pizza box he brought back for Bella.

"You know" Bella said blushing. Taking a slice of pizza from the box and putting it on the table.

"Know what" Edward plonked himself on the other side of Bella, putting an arm over her shoulder and a hand holding her thigh.

"I think I'll go check on Ness" Alice said pulling herself off the sofa and wobbling out of the front room.

"So, what were you going to tell me, love?" asked running his nose along the exposed neck he could reach.

Bella turned to him and blurted out "I'm pregnant"

"With what_?" I don't know a cat_ Bella sarcastically thought as confusion struck Edward's face and then recognition "Oh my! Really?" his face lit up like a Christmas tree as he peppered Bella's face with kisses.


End file.
